So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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