I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
