Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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