his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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