Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
