Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I intend to get homeless drunk
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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