They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
His nipple licking is glorious
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize