I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
