I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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