GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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