She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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