We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
