I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize