You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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