so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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