I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
