dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
