Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
