so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
