atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
