I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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