oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
