maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
