What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
false alarm, still single
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize