He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
