I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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