He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
