rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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