i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize