How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
