I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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