Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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