if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
