he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
