Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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