How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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