OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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