Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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