My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
