I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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