all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
