So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
