This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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