How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
