Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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