ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
