your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
