bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
