so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
