i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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