i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
