Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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