This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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