even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
