Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
