i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize