i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize