My first STD was from a foam party
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
