dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
