Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
