i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
