Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
