Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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