Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
