Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
