I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
