Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
be right there i have to get my cape
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
