That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
