it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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