All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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