we're blogging at a bar
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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