She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
