She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
