well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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