If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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