Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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