I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
