she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
soo... how was my night?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
