When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
